I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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