By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
