hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
