The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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