i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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