I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize