I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
