I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
