Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
