I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
either way he was missing a nipple.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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