if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I could make wine with my vomit
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
