You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
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He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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