the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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