You smell like stripper and shame
Michael Bay diarrhea
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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