she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
