The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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