Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
