Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
