But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
