i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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