I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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