Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
