Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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