i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
