Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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