I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
