Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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