I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
