booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
