i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
