My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
