Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
