its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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