Got a toothbrush?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
