You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
