He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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