I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
