ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
