i already hear my dad disowning me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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