Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
