he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
