I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
