marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
