I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
