Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
