Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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