I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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