i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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