So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
