I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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