Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
