I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
