just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
