The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
