halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just found puke in my bra..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
