I'm passing your future prison.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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