I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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