my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
