i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
