I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
