Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
