I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
