he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
