She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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