Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
