Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
