I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
