so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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