I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
