I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just made my gag reflex go away.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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