i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
