we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
