Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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