True but thats because hes a fetus.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
