oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
