Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
