he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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