the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize