Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
bring money and cleavage
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
