pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
