Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
