We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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