Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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