My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
