you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
