I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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