We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
