i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
